Adopt a Pet Program - Nasty Dog Edition

A dog named SNERTLY...

Looking for a sweet cuddly pup to snuggle with and call your own? We have just the cute little snookums for you!

This lil critter is free for the taking to a good home. Unsure of the gender (sorta scared to look), unsure of the age, & really unsure of the breed. We have papers, not the AKC purebred kind but the kind used to quiet and guide the varmit.

He uuuuhhhhh.... she??? is slightly imbalanced, and usually walks sideways, it bumps into most inanimate objects, and has a cute meek little bark. Said bark sorta sounds like; merf marf murf buh buh buh buh wang whhuf.

This dog? has had more shots than most as we're not sure what sorta mange it has, or what mental issues cause this blank stare. We'll include a small pair of mirrored sunglasses so you can't see it's eyes when it's staring at you blankly, pretty much creeps me out!

As we don't know the gender, we also don't know whether or not the fiend has been fixed, so we'll throw in a gift certificate for free fixin from the local vet / taxidermist. Contact me if yer interested!

A 2 Thousand Dollar Movie Quote

One of the most educational movies ever produced was "The Three Amigos", I highly recommend everyone everywhere watch the clean version of this movie. Famous actors; Chevy Chase (Dusty Bottoms), Steve Martin (Lucky Day), and Martin Short (Ned Nederlander) portray 3 ner-do-well Hollywood actors. The terrible trio find themselves out of work on the Big Screen and in serious trouble in Old Mexico protecting a town from being terrorized by the vile gang of Banditos lead by the infamous El Guapo & his right hand man Jefe...

The 3 Amigos received a telegram... Lucky Day: Reading telegram: "Three Amigos, Hollywood, California. You are very great. 100,000 pesos. Come to Santa Poco put on show, stop. The In-famous El Guapo." Dusty Bottoms: What does that mean, in-famous? Ned Nederlander: Oh, Dusty. In-famous is when you're MORE than famous. This man El Guapo, he's not just famous, he's IN-famous. Lucky Day: 100,000 pesos to perform with this El Guapo, who's probably the biggest actor to come out of Mexico! Dusty Bottoms: Wow, in-famous? In-famous?

The following dialogue was the educational fodder for my daughter's recent award of the Hansen scholarship (worth 2 thousand dollars). She informed me that this was how she knew what the word Plethora meant. :) I laughed very hard as I re-read this exchange... read the following with a Mexican accent, and think of 2 rough tough Mexican bandits who've been terrorizing the town of Santa Poco, and committing other heinous acts of vile comedic violence.

Jefe: I have put many beautiful pinatas in the storeroom, each of them filled with little surprises. El Guapo: Many pinatas? Jefe: Oh yes, many! El Guapo: Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas? Jefe: A what? El Guapo: A *plethora*. Jefe: Oh yes, you have a plethora. El Guapo: Jefe, what is a plethora? Jefe: Why, El Guapo? El Guapo: Well, you told me I have a plethora. And I just would like to know if you know what a plethora is. I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has *no idea* what it means to have a plethora. Jefe: Forgive me, El Guapo. I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education. But could it be that once again, you are angry at something else, and are looking to take it out on me?

For those of you reading this who aren't laughing... sorry, look at the cat on the post below... if you still aren't laughing, check your pulse :) By the way, Plethora means: 'extreme excess'. Used in a sentence: "Ciara has a plethora of brains".

Adopt a Pet Program - Nasty Edition

Precious little grey kitten available for immediate adoption. Answers to the name of "bumugly" and "eeewwww go away", but you can name him whatever you wish. Bumugly does shed profusely and you may wish to lock him up during meal times, as he has been known to set off a gag reflex or two.

He eats free plastic McDonalds toys that come in Happy Meals(tm), and various noxious weeds from the back 40. You will need a 'hazmat' suit to clean the catbox as the very smell of his "litter" has caused strange pox to break out in the underarm and ankle areas.

Please reply to this post in the affirmative if you desire to give this fine specimen a happy home, we will throw in a small paper sack (used to cover his head in public), a rhinestone leash, and your first 'hazmat' suit.

Mickey Pig or Porky Mouse

Dateline February 12th 2009: "Pelosi's mouse slated for $30M slice of cheese"

As we anxiously await the full details of the latest economic "stimulus" (of which the Senators and Congressmen all agree they've not read the entire bill), one large piece of piggy pie was revealed in the following article:

"Talk about a pet project. A tiny mouse with the longtime backing of a political giant may soon reap the benefits of the economic-stimulus package.

Lawmakers and administration officials divulged Wednesday that the $789 billion economic stimulus bill being finalized behind closed doors in Congress includes $30 million for wetlands restoration that the Obama administration intends to spend in the San Francisco Bay Area to protect, among other things, the endangered salt marsh harvest mouse.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi represents the city of San Francisco and has previously championed preserving the mouse's habitat in the Bay Area.

The revelation immediately became a political football, as Republicans accused Democrats of reneging on a promise to keep so-called earmarks that fund lawmakers' favorite projects out of the legislation. Democrats, including Mrs. Pelosi, countered that the accusations were fabricated."

Don't get me wrong, I really like mice (they taste like chicken), and every mouse has the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of mousy happiness. Remember Mr. Jangles from the Green Mile... he was one happy little vermin headed to the mousy circus in Florida. Nevermind the bubonic plague, nevermind chewed wires, nor nests in your ventilation system... these little critters are well worth $30mm in taxpayer funds.

Next we will pony up $40mm for the cats it will take to get the mice out of peoples $700K homes... then another $50mm for the animal control officers that we'll need to control the cats from taking over neighborhoods and eliminate their evening choirs (caterwauling). So we'll have to build animal control shelters, hire animal control officers, pay off PETA, etc... All in all Pelosi' mousy friends will cost us $100mm+, and no, there's no pork in this plan :)

I laugh so that I don't cry...

Daddy's Little Girl

As I peruse my daughter's senior pictures this morning, I'm reminded that she is no longer a "little" girl. (This say I with a tear in my eye).

My little girl is growing up... when did this happen? Not long ago we were discussing the merits of veggie tales, and her little fingers were stretching to reach middle 'C'. Now we're discussing World Economics and her little fingers are stretching across the steering wheel. Every now and then she asks those questions that causes a parent to know that soon their first born will be (quasi) on her own... questions about: "rent, phone bills, tuition, insurance, etc."

We visited Fort Hays State University last Friday where she will begin full time classes next fall. The entire tour I had a lump in my throat and a feeling of bittersweet melancholy. Her institution of higher learning is very excited to get her bright little mind in their grip... Thank God she is well grounded! Ciara's mind is extremely sharp, and her judgement is a direct reflection of her faith. What a blessing she is to her mother and I. We cannot wait to hear of her first debate with a college professor about the origin of mankind:)

Thanks for letting me brag on my baby a bit... I cannot wait to see her salt and light impact this tasteless and dark world for the glory of God and the benefit of mankind. Tear em up sis your Daddy loves you!

Thanksgiving: "Turkey Hangover"

I love Turkey! Smoked, Baked, Broiled, Boiled, Fried, Barbequed, Soup, Scalded, or Blackened... I love Turkey. I've never quite figured out why we wait for a whole year at a time to eat this wonderful bird's succulent flesh. The day b/4 Thanksgiving, I smoked a Turkey breast with red wine and beer soaked Hickory Chips, it turned out quite wonderful. So all in all I've carved and consumed Turkey for 4 meals in a row (1 was breakfast this morning).

Slight headache, melancholy mood, protruding stomach, oohhhh I've got a Turkey hangover! I may need to go to bed and sleep this one off...

Give thanks with a grateful heart for all that God has given you this past year. I thank God that I'm walking upright with a very slight limp. Only a year ago I was seeing my leg at a 90 degree and endured 2 surgeries. Very happy to say I'm almost back to my kick boxing shape :).

Be Blessed my friends!

Faith

"To disbelieve is easy; to scoff is simple; to have faith is harder."- Louis L'Amour