Adopt a Pet Program - Nasty Dog Edition

A dog named SNERTLY...

Looking for a sweet cuddly pup to snuggle with and call your own? We have just the cute little snookums for you!

This lil critter is free for the taking to a good home. Unsure of the gender (sorta scared to look), unsure of the age, & really unsure of the breed. We have papers, not the AKC purebred kind but the kind used to quiet and guide the varmit.

He uuuuhhhhh.... she??? is slightly imbalanced, and usually walks sideways, it bumps into most inanimate objects, and has a cute meek little bark. Said bark sorta sounds like; merf marf murf buh buh buh buh wang whhuf.

This dog? has had more shots than most as we're not sure what sorta mange it has, or what mental issues cause this blank stare. We'll include a small pair of mirrored sunglasses so you can't see it's eyes when it's staring at you blankly, pretty much creeps me out!

As we don't know the gender, we also don't know whether or not the fiend has been fixed, so we'll throw in a gift certificate for free fixin from the local vet / taxidermist. Contact me if yer interested!

A 2 Thousand Dollar Movie Quote

One of the most educational movies ever produced was "The Three Amigos", I highly recommend everyone everywhere watch the clean version of this movie. Famous actors; Chevy Chase (Dusty Bottoms), Steve Martin (Lucky Day), and Martin Short (Ned Nederlander) portray 3 ner-do-well Hollywood actors. The terrible trio find themselves out of work on the Big Screen and in serious trouble in Old Mexico protecting a town from being terrorized by the vile gang of Banditos lead by the infamous El Guapo & his right hand man Jefe...

The 3 Amigos received a telegram... Lucky Day: Reading telegram: "Three Amigos, Hollywood, California. You are very great. 100,000 pesos. Come to Santa Poco put on show, stop. The In-famous El Guapo." Dusty Bottoms: What does that mean, in-famous? Ned Nederlander: Oh, Dusty. In-famous is when you're MORE than famous. This man El Guapo, he's not just famous, he's IN-famous. Lucky Day: 100,000 pesos to perform with this El Guapo, who's probably the biggest actor to come out of Mexico! Dusty Bottoms: Wow, in-famous? In-famous?

The following dialogue was the educational fodder for my daughter's recent award of the Hansen scholarship (worth 2 thousand dollars). She informed me that this was how she knew what the word Plethora meant. :) I laughed very hard as I re-read this exchange... read the following with a Mexican accent, and think of 2 rough tough Mexican bandits who've been terrorizing the town of Santa Poco, and committing other heinous acts of vile comedic violence.

Jefe: I have put many beautiful pinatas in the storeroom, each of them filled with little surprises. El Guapo: Many pinatas? Jefe: Oh yes, many! El Guapo: Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas? Jefe: A what? El Guapo: A *plethora*. Jefe: Oh yes, you have a plethora. El Guapo: Jefe, what is a plethora? Jefe: Why, El Guapo? El Guapo: Well, you told me I have a plethora. And I just would like to know if you know what a plethora is. I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has *no idea* what it means to have a plethora. Jefe: Forgive me, El Guapo. I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education. But could it be that once again, you are angry at something else, and are looking to take it out on me?

For those of you reading this who aren't laughing... sorry, look at the cat on the post below... if you still aren't laughing, check your pulse :) By the way, Plethora means: 'extreme excess'. Used in a sentence: "Ciara has a plethora of brains".

Adopt a Pet Program - Nasty Edition

Precious little grey kitten available for immediate adoption. Answers to the name of "bumugly" and "eeewwww go away", but you can name him whatever you wish. Bumugly does shed profusely and you may wish to lock him up during meal times, as he has been known to set off a gag reflex or two.

He eats free plastic McDonalds toys that come in Happy Meals(tm), and various noxious weeds from the back 40. You will need a 'hazmat' suit to clean the catbox as the very smell of his "litter" has caused strange pox to break out in the underarm and ankle areas.

Please reply to this post in the affirmative if you desire to give this fine specimen a happy home, we will throw in a small paper sack (used to cover his head in public), a rhinestone leash, and your first 'hazmat' suit.

Mickey Pig or Porky Mouse

Dateline February 12th 2009: "Pelosi's mouse slated for $30M slice of cheese"

As we anxiously await the full details of the latest economic "stimulus" (of which the Senators and Congressmen all agree they've not read the entire bill), one large piece of piggy pie was revealed in the following article:

"Talk about a pet project. A tiny mouse with the longtime backing of a political giant may soon reap the benefits of the economic-stimulus package.

Lawmakers and administration officials divulged Wednesday that the $789 billion economic stimulus bill being finalized behind closed doors in Congress includes $30 million for wetlands restoration that the Obama administration intends to spend in the San Francisco Bay Area to protect, among other things, the endangered salt marsh harvest mouse.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi represents the city of San Francisco and has previously championed preserving the mouse's habitat in the Bay Area.

The revelation immediately became a political football, as Republicans accused Democrats of reneging on a promise to keep so-called earmarks that fund lawmakers' favorite projects out of the legislation. Democrats, including Mrs. Pelosi, countered that the accusations were fabricated."

Don't get me wrong, I really like mice (they taste like chicken), and every mouse has the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of mousy happiness. Remember Mr. Jangles from the Green Mile... he was one happy little vermin headed to the mousy circus in Florida. Nevermind the bubonic plague, nevermind chewed wires, nor nests in your ventilation system... these little critters are well worth $30mm in taxpayer funds.

Next we will pony up $40mm for the cats it will take to get the mice out of peoples $700K homes... then another $50mm for the animal control officers that we'll need to control the cats from taking over neighborhoods and eliminate their evening choirs (caterwauling). So we'll have to build animal control shelters, hire animal control officers, pay off PETA, etc... All in all Pelosi' mousy friends will cost us $100mm+, and no, there's no pork in this plan :)

I laugh so that I don't cry...

I did inhale (a lot)

This old college photo makes you wanna do some kind of Jazz Scat doesn't it?

Zoo bow wow, zig mag a doody doo. Wibbidy wobbidy wammbidy bob. Scooba dooba ripple down zang. Gonna go do that president thang.

Let me know how that whole negotiation with terrorists thing goes OK?

Zip dip a doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie (slap a skip outta the record) doo. :)

Happy Birthday Cuba!

50 Years since our dear brother Fidel Castro became the Communist Dictator Thug (leader) of Red Cuba. Whoo Hoo! Hows that Communism working out for you all?

Perhaps it might be best understood by the number of your natives willing to drown in shark infested waters as they desperately try to reach the shores of "evil" America.

Will Raul do a better job that big brother Fidel? He gave the Happy Birthday speech a few days ago and spun such wonderful "obamaesque" fluff as the following: "Let's not kid ourselves by believing that from here on, it's all going to be easy. Maybe from here on, it's going to be more difficult,"...

Dude... how profound is that?

Have a wonderful paranoid birthday Cuba:)

Zune oh Zune

Familiar with the techno gadget pictured to the left? It is a "Zune" media player, Microsoft's answer to Apple's IPOD, you can watch movies, listen to music, play games, listen to the radio, look at your photo albums, listen to pod casts and audio books, shop for songs, and share music with friends. I've owned mine (Zune 30) since February 2006 and have used for many hours as I've drove, flown, spent time in a hotel room, worked, showered, etc... it has become an everyday type of item for me, much like a fork or eye patch (for those who need eye patches).

Having provided you with this brief explanation of what a Zune is, and how much it means to me, you'll understand my hearty chagrin this a.m. when I woke up to find my poor little Zune locked up on the logo screen. I pushed buttons, shook, cried, and tried to plug into my computer to magically "unlock" the poor little beastie. Alas to no avail. Jami was sympathetic and asked if I'd dropped it or something, and I said "no". She went to get hers so that I could look at it in fond memory of what mine used to look like when it worked, when she discovered that hers too was locked, so was Ciara's... (musical interlude) "Gloom, Despair, and agony on me, whoooaaa, deep dark depression, excessive misery, whhhhooooaaa, if it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all, whhhhoooaaa, gloom despair and agony on me." Sorry for the drama :(

I don't think this would have been such a calamity if i hadn't just lost my Zune a few days ago for almost 24 hours. We searched high and low, we dug through boxes of stuff that I didn't even know we owned. I almost pulled the engine from Jami's blazer because i thought maybe I'd dropped it in the engine compartment when i was changing oil. I did sift through the ashes in a fire barrel thinking perchance it'd come unclipped from my belt and fell in. OOohhhh the joy when i found it laying behind my tool box where a kindly kitty must have knocked it when jumping and running from my BB gun tirade. Annie Oakley I ain't! That or the kitty is durned quick.

So we've spent the day "Zune-less" wandering about like an ObamaZombie (one who realizes that words without actions are like a fire alarm in Hell) wondering what to do with ourselves. My brilliant wife finally went on-line this afternoon and found the following statement by those sadistic son's of a motherless goat from Microsoft:

"Early this morning we were alerted by our customers that there was a widespread issue affecting our 2006 model Zune 30GB devices (a large number of which are still actively being used). The technical team jumped on the problem immediately and isolated the issue: a bug in the internal clock driver related to the way the device handles a leap year. That being the case, the issue should be resolved over the next 24 hours as the time change moves to January 1, 2009. We expect the internal clock on the Zune 30GB devices will automatically reset tomorrow (noon, GMT). By tomorrow you should allow the battery to fully run out of power before the unit can restart successfully then simply ensure that your device is recharged, then turn it back on."

This event has been dubbed "Z2K"... tell me, how can 100 engineers at the world's most prestigious computer company all fail to account for leap year in the software that operates Zune? Yikes, darn glad they didn't program the autopilot software for the Space Shuttle, or something more meaningful to the world than a little bitty Zune. Come On Bill Gates, get em straightened out!

Thanks for letting me vent.

Superluke :)