Sunday, March 15, 2009

Adopt a Pet Program - Nasty Dog Edition

A dog named SNERTLY...

Looking for a sweet cuddly pup to snuggle with and call your own? We have just the cute little snookums for you!

This lil critter is free for the taking to a good home. Unsure of the gender (sorta scared to look), unsure of the age, & really unsure of the breed. We have papers, not the AKC purebred kind but the kind used to quiet and guide the varmit.

He uuuuhhhhh.... she??? is slightly imbalanced, and usually walks sideways, it bumps into most inanimate objects, and has a cute meek little bark. Said bark sorta sounds like; merf marf murf buh buh buh buh wang whhuf.

This dog? has had more shots than most as we're not sure what sorta mange it has, or what mental issues cause this blank stare. We'll include a small pair of mirrored sunglasses so you can't see it's eyes when it's staring at you blankly, pretty much creeps me out!

As we don't know the gender, we also don't know whether or not the fiend has been fixed, so we'll throw in a gift certificate for free fixin from the local vet / taxidermist. Contact me if yer interested!

A 2 Thousand Dollar Movie Quote

One of the most educational movies ever produced was "The Three Amigos", I highly recommend everyone everywhere watch the clean version of this movie. Famous actors; Chevy Chase (Dusty Bottoms), Steve Martin (Lucky Day), and Martin Short (Ned Nederlander) portray 3 ner-do-well Hollywood actors. The terrible trio find themselves out of work on the Big Screen and in serious trouble in Old Mexico protecting a town from being terrorized by the vile gang of Banditos lead by the infamous El Guapo & his right hand man Jefe...
The 3 Amigos received a telegram... Lucky Day: Reading telegram: "Three Amigos, Hollywood, California. You are very great. 100,000 pesos. Come to Santa Poco put on show, stop. The In-famous El Guapo." Dusty Bottoms: What does that mean, in-famous? Ned Nederlander: Oh, Dusty. In-famous is when you're MORE than famous. This man El Guapo, he's not just famous, he's IN-famous. Lucky Day: 100,000 pesos to perform with this El Guapo, who's probably the biggest actor to come out of Mexico! Dusty Bottoms: Wow, in-famous? In-famous?
The following dialogue was the educational fodder for my daughter's recent award of the Hansen scholarship (worth 2 thousand dollars). She informed me that this was how she knew what the word Plethora meant. :) I laughed very hard as I re-read this exchange... read the following with a Mexican accent, and think of 2 rough tough Mexican bandits who've been terrorizing the town of Santa Poco, and committing other heinous acts of vile comedic violence.
Jefe: I have put many beautiful pinatas in the storeroom, each of them filled with little surprises. El Guapo: Many pinatas? Jefe: Oh yes, many! El Guapo: Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas? Jefe: A what? El Guapo: A *plethora*. Jefe: Oh yes, you have a plethora. El Guapo: Jefe, what is a plethora? Jefe: Why, El Guapo? El Guapo: Well, you told me I have a plethora. And I just would like to know if you know what a plethora is. I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has *no idea* what it means to have a plethora. Jefe: Forgive me, El Guapo. I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education. But could it be that once again, you are angry at something else, and are looking to take it out on me?
For those of you reading this who aren't laughing... sorry, look at the cat on the post below... if you still aren't laughing, check your pulse :) By the way, Plethora means: 'extreme excess'. Used in a sentence: "Ciara has a plethora of brains".

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Adopt a Pet Program - Nasty Edition

Precious little grey kitten available for immediate adoption. Answers to the name of "bumugly" and "eeewwww go away", but you can name him whatever you wish. Bumugly does shed profusely and you may wish to lock him up during meal times, as he has been known to set off a gag reflex or two.

He eats free plastic McDonalds toys that come in Happy Meals(tm), and various noxious weeds from the back 40. You will need a 'hazmat' suit to clean the catbox as the very smell of his "litter" has caused strange pox to break out in the underarm and ankle areas.

Please reply to this post in the affirmative if you desire to give this fine specimen a happy home, we will throw in a small paper sack (used to cover his head in public), a rhinestone leash, and your first 'hazmat' suit.