Showing posts with label For Fun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label For Fun. Show all posts

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Adopt a Pet Program - Nasty Dog Edition



A dog named SNERTLY...

Looking for a sweet cuddly pup to snuggle with and call your own? We have just the cute little snookums for you!

This lil critter is free for the taking to a good home. Unsure of the gender (sorta scared to look), unsure of the age, & really unsure of the breed. We have papers, not the AKC purebred kind but the kind used to quiet and guide the varmit.

He uuuuhhhhh.... she??? is slightly imbalanced, and usually walks sideways, it bumps into most inanimate objects, and has a cute meek little bark. Said bark sorta sounds like; merf marf murf buh buh buh buh wang whhuf.

This dog? has had more shots than most as we're not sure what sorta mange it has, or what mental issues cause this blank stare. We'll include a small pair of mirrored sunglasses so you can't see it's eyes when it's staring at you blankly, pretty much creeps me out!

As we don't know the gender, we also don't know whether or not the fiend has been fixed, so we'll throw in a gift certificate for free fixin from the local vet / taxidermist. Contact me if yer interested!

A 2 Thousand Dollar Movie Quote


One of the most educational movies ever produced was "The Three Amigos", I highly recommend everyone everywhere watch the clean version of this movie. Famous actors; Chevy Chase (Dusty Bottoms), Steve Martin (Lucky Day), and Martin Short (Ned Nederlander) portray 3 ner-do-well Hollywood actors. The terrible trio find themselves out of work on the Big Screen and in serious trouble in Old Mexico protecting a town from being terrorized by the vile gang of Banditos lead by the infamous El Guapo & his right hand man Jefe...
The 3 Amigos received a telegram... Lucky Day: Reading telegram: "Three Amigos, Hollywood, California. You are very great. 100,000 pesos. Come to Santa Poco put on show, stop. The In-famous El Guapo." Dusty Bottoms: What does that mean, in-famous? Ned Nederlander: Oh, Dusty. In-famous is when you're MORE than famous. This man El Guapo, he's not just famous, he's IN-famous. Lucky Day: 100,000 pesos to perform with this El Guapo, who's probably the biggest actor to come out of Mexico! Dusty Bottoms: Wow, in-famous? In-famous?
The following dialogue was the educational fodder for my daughter's recent award of the Hansen scholarship (worth 2 thousand dollars). She informed me that this was how she knew what the word Plethora meant. :) I laughed very hard as I re-read this exchange... read the following with a Mexican accent, and think of 2 rough tough Mexican bandits who've been terrorizing the town of Santa Poco, and committing other heinous acts of vile comedic violence.
Jefe: I have put many beautiful pinatas in the storeroom, each of them filled with little surprises. El Guapo: Many pinatas? Jefe: Oh yes, many! El Guapo: Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas? Jefe: A what? El Guapo: A *plethora*. Jefe: Oh yes, you have a plethora. El Guapo: Jefe, what is a plethora? Jefe: Why, El Guapo? El Guapo: Well, you told me I have a plethora. And I just would like to know if you know what a plethora is. I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has *no idea* what it means to have a plethora. Jefe: Forgive me, El Guapo. I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education. But could it be that once again, you are angry at something else, and are looking to take it out on me?
For those of you reading this who aren't laughing... sorry, look at the cat on the post below... if you still aren't laughing, check your pulse :) By the way, Plethora means: 'extreme excess'. Used in a sentence: "Ciara has a plethora of brains".

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Adopt a Pet Program - Nasty Edition

Precious little grey kitten available for immediate adoption. Answers to the name of "bumugly" and "eeewwww go away", but you can name him whatever you wish. Bumugly does shed profusely and you may wish to lock him up during meal times, as he has been known to set off a gag reflex or two.

He eats free plastic McDonalds toys that come in Happy Meals(tm), and various noxious weeds from the back 40. You will need a 'hazmat' suit to clean the catbox as the very smell of his "litter" has caused strange pox to break out in the underarm and ankle areas.

Please reply to this post in the affirmative if you desire to give this fine specimen a happy home, we will throw in a small paper sack (used to cover his head in public), a rhinestone leash, and your first 'hazmat' suit.



Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Zune oh Zune


Familiar with the techno gadget pictured to the left? It is a "Zune" media player, Microsoft's answer to Apple's IPOD, you can watch movies, listen to music, play games, listen to the radio, look at your photo albums, listen to pod casts and audio books, shop for songs, and share music with friends. I've owned mine (Zune 30) since February 2006 and have used for many hours as I've drove, flown, spent time in a hotel room, worked, showered, etc... it has become an everyday type of item for me, much like a fork or eye patch (for those who need eye patches).

Having provided you with this brief explanation of what a Zune is, and how much it means to me, you'll understand my hearty chagrin this a.m. when I woke up to find my poor little Zune locked up on the logo screen. I pushed buttons, shook, cried, and tried to plug into my computer to magically "unlock" the poor little beastie. Alas to no avail. Jami was sympathetic and asked if I'd dropped it or something, and I said "no". She went to get hers so that I could look at it in fond memory of what mine used to look like when it worked, when she discovered that hers too was locked, so was Ciara's... (musical interlude) "Gloom, Despair, and agony on me, whoooaaa, deep dark depression, excessive misery, whhhhooooaaa, if it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all, whhhhoooaaa, gloom despair and agony on me." Sorry for the drama :(

I don't think this would have been such a calamity if i hadn't just lost my Zune a few days ago for almost 24 hours. We searched high and low, we dug through boxes of stuff that I didn't even know we owned. I almost pulled the engine from Jami's blazer because i thought maybe I'd dropped it in the engine compartment when i was changing oil. I did sift through the ashes in a fire barrel thinking perchance it'd come unclipped from my belt and fell in. OOohhhh the joy when i found it laying behind my tool box where a kindly kitty must have knocked it when jumping and running from my BB gun tirade. Annie Oakley I ain't! That or the kitty is durned quick.

So we've spent the day "Zune-less" wandering about like an ObamaZombie (one who realizes that words without actions are like a fire alarm in Hell) wondering what to do with ourselves. My brilliant wife finally went on-line this afternoon and found the following statement by those sadistic son's of a motherless goat from Microsoft:

"Early this morning we were alerted by our customers that there was a widespread issue affecting our 2006 model Zune 30GB devices (a large number of which are still actively being used). The technical team jumped on the problem immediately and isolated the issue: a bug in the internal clock driver related to the way the device handles a leap year. That being the case, the issue should be resolved over the next 24 hours as the time change moves to January 1, 2009. We expect the internal clock on the Zune 30GB devices will automatically reset tomorrow (noon, GMT). By tomorrow you should allow the battery to fully run out of power before the unit can restart successfully then simply ensure that your device is recharged, then turn it back on."

This event has been dubbed "Z2K"... tell me, how can 100 engineers at the world's most prestigious computer company all fail to account for leap year in the software that operates Zune? Yikes, darn glad they didn't program the autopilot software for the Space Shuttle, or something more meaningful to the world than a little bitty Zune. Come On Bill Gates, get em straightened out!

Thanks for letting me vent.

Superluke :)

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Thanksgiving: "Turkey Hangover"


I love Turkey! Smoked, Baked, Broiled, Boiled, Fried, Barbequed, Soup, Scalded, or Blackened... I love Turkey. I've never quite figured out why we wait for a whole year at a time to eat this wonderful bird's succulent flesh. The day b/4 Thanksgiving, I smoked a Turkey breast with red wine and beer soaked Hickory Chips, it turned out quite wonderful. So all in all I've carved and consumed Turkey for 4 meals in a row (1 was breakfast this morning).


Slight headache, melancholy mood, protruding stomach, oohhhh I've got a Turkey hangover! I may need to go to bed and sleep this one off...


Give thanks with a grateful heart for all that God has given you this past year. I thank God that I'm walking upright with a very slight limp. Only a year ago I was seeing my leg at a 90 degree and endured 2 surgeries. Very happy to say I'm almost back to my kick boxing shape :).


Be Blessed my friends!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Faith







"To disbelieve is easy; to scoff is simple; to have faith is harder."- Louis L'Amour