Thursday, July 9, 2009

Hubba Hubba

Our "President" Barack (i ain't lookin') Obama andFrance's President Nicolas Sarkozy share a well deserved chuckle as they check out a passing booty. Nice to know that in a day when the economy is in shambles, North Korea is rattling sabers, Iran is willing the obliteration of Israel, Russia is saying the US doesn't have a right to defend themselves (missile defense), and jello hasn't yet been named the national fruit... that the leader of the earth's last remaining superpower can still share a "booty glance" with the leader of the world's wussiest liberal nation.

I know that I feel all warm and fuzzy knowing that despite his approval rating free-fall, and multiple contradictory statements over the last few weeks, our "president" is still a focused virile young man (just gotta wonder what his focus is on). Maybe he was admiring her shoes?

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Adopt a Pet Program - Nasty Dog Edition

A dog named SNERTLY...

Looking for a sweet cuddly pup to snuggle with and call your own? We have just the cute little snookums for you!

This lil critter is free for the taking to a good home. Unsure of the gender (sorta scared to look), unsure of the age, & really unsure of the breed. We have papers, not the AKC purebred kind but the kind used to quiet and guide the varmit.

He uuuuhhhhh.... she??? is slightly imbalanced, and usually walks sideways, it bumps into most inanimate objects, and has a cute meek little bark. Said bark sorta sounds like; merf marf murf buh buh buh buh wang whhuf.

This dog? has had more shots than most as we're not sure what sorta mange it has, or what mental issues cause this blank stare. We'll include a small pair of mirrored sunglasses so you can't see it's eyes when it's staring at you blankly, pretty much creeps me out!

As we don't know the gender, we also don't know whether or not the fiend has been fixed, so we'll throw in a gift certificate for free fixin from the local vet / taxidermist. Contact me if yer interested!

A 2 Thousand Dollar Movie Quote

One of the most educational movies ever produced was "The Three Amigos", I highly recommend everyone everywhere watch the clean version of this movie. Famous actors; Chevy Chase (Dusty Bottoms), Steve Martin (Lucky Day), and Martin Short (Ned Nederlander) portray 3 ner-do-well Hollywood actors. The terrible trio find themselves out of work on the Big Screen and in serious trouble in Old Mexico protecting a town from being terrorized by the vile gang of Banditos lead by the infamous El Guapo & his right hand man Jefe...
The 3 Amigos received a telegram... Lucky Day: Reading telegram: "Three Amigos, Hollywood, California. You are very great. 100,000 pesos. Come to Santa Poco put on show, stop. The In-famous El Guapo." Dusty Bottoms: What does that mean, in-famous? Ned Nederlander: Oh, Dusty. In-famous is when you're MORE than famous. This man El Guapo, he's not just famous, he's IN-famous. Lucky Day: 100,000 pesos to perform with this El Guapo, who's probably the biggest actor to come out of Mexico! Dusty Bottoms: Wow, in-famous? In-famous?
The following dialogue was the educational fodder for my daughter's recent award of the Hansen scholarship (worth 2 thousand dollars). She informed me that this was how she knew what the word Plethora meant. :) I laughed very hard as I re-read this exchange... read the following with a Mexican accent, and think of 2 rough tough Mexican bandits who've been terrorizing the town of Santa Poco, and committing other heinous acts of vile comedic violence.
Jefe: I have put many beautiful pinatas in the storeroom, each of them filled with little surprises. El Guapo: Many pinatas? Jefe: Oh yes, many! El Guapo: Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas? Jefe: A what? El Guapo: A *plethora*. Jefe: Oh yes, you have a plethora. El Guapo: Jefe, what is a plethora? Jefe: Why, El Guapo? El Guapo: Well, you told me I have a plethora. And I just would like to know if you know what a plethora is. I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has *no idea* what it means to have a plethora. Jefe: Forgive me, El Guapo. I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education. But could it be that once again, you are angry at something else, and are looking to take it out on me?
For those of you reading this who aren't laughing... sorry, look at the cat on the post below... if you still aren't laughing, check your pulse :) By the way, Plethora means: 'extreme excess'. Used in a sentence: "Ciara has a plethora of brains".

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Adopt a Pet Program - Nasty Edition

Precious little grey kitten available for immediate adoption. Answers to the name of "bumugly" and "eeewwww go away", but you can name him whatever you wish. Bumugly does shed profusely and you may wish to lock him up during meal times, as he has been known to set off a gag reflex or two.

He eats free plastic McDonalds toys that come in Happy Meals(tm), and various noxious weeds from the back 40. You will need a 'hazmat' suit to clean the catbox as the very smell of his "litter" has caused strange pox to break out in the underarm and ankle areas.

Please reply to this post in the affirmative if you desire to give this fine specimen a happy home, we will throw in a small paper sack (used to cover his head in public), a rhinestone leash, and your first 'hazmat' suit.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Mickey Pig or Porky Mouse

Dateline February 12th 2009: "Pelosi's mouse slated for $30M slice of cheese"

As we anxiously await the full details of the latest economic "stimulus" (of which the Senators and Congressmen all agree they've not read the entire bill), one large piece of piggy pie was revealed in the following article:

"Talk about a pet project. A tiny mouse with the longtime backing of a political giant may soon reap the benefits of the economic-stimulus package.

Lawmakers and administration officials divulged Wednesday that the $789 billion economic stimulus bill being finalized behind closed doors in Congress includes $30 million for wetlands restoration that the Obama administration intends to spend in the San Francisco Bay Area to protect, among other things, the endangered salt marsh harvest mouse.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi represents the city of San Francisco and has previously championed preserving the mouse's habitat in the Bay Area.

The revelation immediately became a political football, as Republicans accused Democrats of reneging on a promise to keep so-called earmarks that fund lawmakers' favorite projects out of the legislation. Democrats, including Mrs. Pelosi, countered that the accusations were fabricated."

Don't get me wrong, I really like mice (they taste like chicken), and every mouse has the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of mousy happiness. Remember Mr. Jangles from the Green Mile... he was one happy little vermin headed to the mousy circus in Florida. Nevermind the bubonic plague, nevermind chewed wires, nor nests in your ventilation system... these little critters are well worth $30mm in taxpayer funds.

Next we will pony up $40mm for the cats it will take to get the mice out of peoples $700K homes... then another $50mm for the animal control officers that we'll need to control the cats from taking over neighborhoods and eliminate their evening choirs (caterwauling). So we'll have to build animal control shelters, hire animal control officers, pay off PETA, etc... All in all Pelosi' mousy friends will cost us $100mm+, and no, there's no pork in this plan :)

I laugh so that I don't cry...

Friday, January 2, 2009

I did inhale (a lot)

This old college photo makes you wanna do some kind of Jazz Scat doesn't it?

Zoo bow wow, zig mag a doody doo. Wibbidy wobbidy wammbidy bob. Scooba dooba ripple down zang. Gonna go do that president thang.

Let me know how that whole negotiation with terrorists thing goes OK?

Zip dip a doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie (slap a skip outta the record) doo. :)

Happy Birthday Cuba!

50 Years since our dear brother Fidel Castro became the Communist Dictator Thug (leader) of Red Cuba. Whoo Hoo! Hows that Communism working out for you all?

Perhaps it might be best understood by the number of your natives willing to drown in shark infested waters as they desperately try to reach the shores of "evil" America.

Will Raul do a better job that big brother Fidel? He gave the Happy Birthday speech a few days ago and spun such wonderful "obamaesque" fluff as the following: "Let's not kid ourselves by believing that from here on, it's all going to be easy. Maybe from here on, it's going to be more difficult,"...

Dude... how profound is that?

Have a wonderful paranoid birthday Cuba:)